Old friend Since when Have you caught up with all your ambitions? I'm still proud of you Maybe I just know you too well Like in high school You knew that you were cool Smoking cigarettes by the public pool My heart ached for you Watching you light up your mother's Kools So when ya go To San Antonio I hope that you find it’s a perfect home Just remember who lost at the Alamo Years slip Away When you live half a dozen states away Hazy cross-sections Don't do justice to the day-to-day But knowing you, You'll probably try to move Somewhere you can stand In some private truth I'll try to keep up with your wild six-month swings in mood I hear it now: "I just can't stand this town!" It's your choice if and when to settle down Just don't build a life where you're forced to Run from yourself And I don't mean To act like or to seem Like I'm any sort of authority It's just so easy To get in the way of your own dreams So anyway I just wanted to say Even if we don't talk that much these days I'm so proud of you I'm so proud of you Buckle down, get your shit done, I'm proud of you I'd kill to be a kid again With you outside the shell station A priori innocence and loitering Time was an embarrassment Our hopes and dreams were everything Well here we are, is this what you imagined then? AJ I'm sure you'll be okay I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud of you, We took such different paths and I'm proud of you And hey, I'm just a call away I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud of you Be in touch bud, I love you, I'm proud of you

I was an only child And my parents taught me that I could do anything So I wanna do everything! Like learn to weld and learn to ski And learn to write ethnographies I care! (I guess!) Sure all of this spilled ink is troubling Maybe we're just writing in the sand Chasing after scraps of credibility In a world that's just too big to understand So I reflect on my time in college Till I almost can't breathe For want of some kinda clarity Assurances of who I should be Potential selves I stole from books And all the precious time it took Oh well—what's next? Daydreaming of doctorates in anything Just to feel like I'm not sitting still Sick from the alternative to publishing As if that’s what I need—a degree? Epistemology has me shaken All the paths I could have taken Never leave I'm a code switching mess Trying my best to believe In any sort Of suitable identity I haven't touched a book in weeks Am I a fraud? What's that make me? A stranger at the very least I've become my own key informant A messenger of loss for things that mattered so much to me They just won't go away quietly My brittle faith, my outstretched hands My aptitude for changing plans, for what? Yeah, for what? All this time spent thinking knowledge was in some way noble Learn to smile as if to say "trust me, I trust myself!" In the absence of an education—curiosity A degree is the last thing I need I'm a stranger, loathe to declare any major, let me be Reckless with my five-year plans and checklists Let me be one big code switching mess Trying my best to believe Now I'm just old and tired, Still struggling to find a life that makes sense to me Or the meaning in anything A stupid dream, a broken heart I guess I’ll blame the liberal arts, oh well— What’s next? What’s next? What’s next?